The Ghosts That I Fear

by dad thighs

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credits

released February 14, 2017

Recorded by Mike Kraushaar and Ricky Good at Bully's Studios
Mixed by Mike Kraushaar

Mastered by Will Killingsworth at Dead Air Studios

Artwork done by Cheyenne Manning

Special Thanks to Ethan Reyes, Jess Thompson, Cam Borthwick, Breanna Hawkins, and Emily Matick

Tape released via Old Press Records
www.oldpressrecords.com

Dad Thighs is Victoria, Félix, Kyle, Jill and Devon

<3

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about

dad thighs Vancouver, British Columbia

dad thighs is an entity of feelings expressed by young adults with a severe case of peter pan syndrome

Victoria
Felix
Kyle
Jill
Devon

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Track Name: Going to the Dump to Watch the Bears part one
Poetic scripts followed
by unfulfilling outcomes,
saved from drowning with a deep breath,
a glass of ice water
swallowed all at once,
intensity spoke calmly,
calamity over and over.

We're laughing but we're not breathing,
we're crying yet feeling nothing but
the dead air of an otherwise
non-existent summer
and the cool breeze off an ocean
spitting pleas of comfort
right back in our face.

If this is love then we have learnt nothing,
if this is love then where is life meant to lead us
except in circles,
Track Name: Going to the Dump to Watch the Bears part two
and I'm pained and I'm dead
and I'm going to bed with wide open eyes again.

I’ll up the anti by two
years
and risk all I’ve got
for another chance with you

I can spend the whole night
staring at a screen
just so I can brag
that I haven’t cried myself

to sleep
in two whole years,
in two whole years

I’ve been obsessing over empty words and dimes,
dropping pounds for cigarettes and hoping your really mean it this time.

Amidst all the excitement
I still find
time
to sleep past noon.
So how much would you bet
that if I stare
at these words
I can change their meaning.

These eyes don’t see the sun like they used to,
(there’s nothing left of this teenage heart)
dreams used to haunt me every night,
(now I pray for nothing else).

Carry me back home in your limp arms,
(show me the youth that I’ve forgotten)
carry me back home in your limp arms,
(two whole years).
One whole year
(since I thought of you last),
two whole years
(I guess we’ll do this again),
three whole years
(I'll take my chances),
four whole years
(since I felt your lips).

I can't say that I've never fantasized about my own funeral and who would be there.
Track Name: Regarding the Walmart Parking Lot on 88th Street
The smell of industrial paint and magnolia
fill the warm summer night air.
We reminisce old meadows
once full of life,
now they’re parking lots,
abandoned shopping carts,
crows picking at discarded wrappers,
they were empty and pure.
The world hints at our numbered days
and we revel in it.

(Creating a perfect bubble to
be ignorant in,
taking romance as a drug,
it’s not only killing me).

We’ve created this crumbling fortress,
now we lie our bodies in this filth
Track Name: The Rain it Raineth
So I found our old haunts
where I never thought I'd be alone,
well I got what I wanted,
how wrong I was to wish such a thing.

Now I escape to those places
to get away from the grey
and the piles of reasons
to stay.

There are better things to do,
more valiant roles to take,
I'd talk to you if only I knew what to say,
it's the chemicals in my brain.
I'm drying up but I'm soaked to the bone.

I'll stand on my rock
wishing to scream
(Leave me alone)
but I'm too fucking pathetic
(I'm all alone)
so I'll choke on my words
and bury my head in the sand.
Track Name: Every Day
I can’t say that I’ve never fantasized about my own funeral and who would be there.
I’ve dug my own grave with notebooks filled with nothing,
while the crash and slow recoil of a lake front
quietly defines nature without the use of words.
Frayed edges prevent paper cuts,
so I ripped every page,
justifying through aesthetic,
romanticizing distractions.
The summer sun hurt my eyes.
Track Name: Of Summer
Born in a field of wealth and gold
she didn't know it very well
her brother and father left out in the cold

Fed grass with the pigs and the chickens and so
she sang her sad tune in her suitcase
filled with pictures of gap toothed smiles

She fed her captors three times a day
they honoured her leader with slaps on the back
while her vision grew darker, imprisoned by life's cruel hand

When the war was over they packed up and left
her scars in the kitchen, traumatized but alive

She met a man with dirty lungs
on a bike they road as three
soon after, eleven mouths to feed
the man's lungs gave in
so she got on her knees and cleaned

The children were unloving and ungrateful
they mourned their father with theft and abuse

and so
she fed her captors three times a day
they honoured her leader with slaps on the back
while her vision grew darker, imprisioned by life's cruel hand.

Now she's gone
in a home
in the west
all alone.
Track Name: My Favourite Valentine
We’re all in this together,
but we all hate ourselves.

You were my favourite valentine,
you were my nickel and dime,
you made sense to me,
you were my reasoning,
we'd drive all night to escape my tears,
check the closets for the ghosts that I feared,
I called you up when I lost those jobs,
but we all hate ourselves.
Track Name: The Shadow that Desires is Left with Nothing but a Relic of Someone Else’s Dreams
Are you my other?
My punk,
my nothing’s better?

Slipping losing self,
no time for them,
no time for me.
Let’s not do that you said,
but I’m so weak
and you’re stuck in my head.

It’s cold when you’re not around,
my flesh chills when you’re not around.
Let’s pretend that the world doesn’t exist,
let’s pretend our problems won’t persist.

My shoulder always leaning into yours,
but I exist to be more than
just an extension of you.

If I leave, will you be waiting,
will I want to come back?
Track Name: Sometimes
I wish I could have taken you up
on that offer for a ride from the airport,
but the night skies in the east
were bursting with red,
so I thought that everything would be fine
in the morning.
Too caught up in my own anxieties
to notice the western clouds,
I guess we all make mistakes
sometimes
a laugh is all we’ll ever need,
and at times I still forget to smile.

Airports aren’t the same
when you can’t sit at the bars.
Life is not the same
without you around,

and how I wish I could get over myself
sometimes.